I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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