Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
