WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
