I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize