I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
