3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
