the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
