listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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