Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
