I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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