I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
