I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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