I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
