Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
