good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
