I'm really into asian looking animals
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
