Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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