i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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