Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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