I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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