Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
