I didn't shave. On purpose
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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