Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
