she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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