my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
