So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
