the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
