A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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