i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
