Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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