Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Will you blow on my dice?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
