His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
