your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
