you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
