There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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