if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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