$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
