oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
