Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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