I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
