Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
