yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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