my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
