dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
