I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
