My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
