I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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