I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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