she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
