i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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