you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
