I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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