you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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