Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
