If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
