After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
