Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
