wrigley field is MILF paradise
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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