I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
