she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
