I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
