Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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