what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
