it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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