You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
