i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
