I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
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Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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