I am spending my child support on dildos
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
