my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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