Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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