I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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