whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
