i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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