It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize