I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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