Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
birth control should be required to get into college
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am naked and annoyed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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