you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
