Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
