Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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