but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
