I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
