I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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