Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.