Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
