There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
