its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.