Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks

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  (901): Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks http://tfl.nu/a6p7
  Replies (9) Good night (720) Bad night (1938)
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  (353): View more from

  i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash

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  (353): i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash http://tfl.nu/bafg
  Replies (22) Good night (5662) Bad night (729)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.

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  (630): That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims. http://tfl.nu/e1gu
  Replies (10) Good night (4966) Bad night (572)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

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  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (37) Good night (15527) Bad night (1321)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.

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  (289): It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack. http://tfl.nu/6xg5
  Replies (21) Good night (941) Bad night (7347)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.

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  (814): You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out. http://tfl.nu/306z
  Replies (6) Good night (2407) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate

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  (509): I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate http://tfl.nu/14fu
  Replies (6) Good night (2164) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.

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  (847): Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch. http://tfl.nu/loso
  Replies (8) Good night (967) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body

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  (440): I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body http://tfl.nu/gs9m
  Replies (7) Good night (1449) Bad night (461)
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  (626): View more from California

  So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

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  (626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i
  Replies (5) Good night (2708) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same

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  (614): now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same http://tfl.nu/zf1b
  Replies (6) Good night (482) Bad night (1090)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.

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  (979): I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels. http://tfl.nu/it3k
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can vaginas get frostbite?

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  (757): Can vaginas get frostbite? http://tfl.nu/ne3s
  Replies (12) Good night (436) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"

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  (937): She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!" http://tfl.nu/x0ik
  Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.

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  (202): She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning. http://tfl.nu/4ygc
  Replies (9) Good night (1265) Bad night (635)

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