Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
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my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.