Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
